The nation was aghast this morning at the spectacle of all 535 Congress people and another 465 Administration biggies being frog marched to prison by District of Columbia correctional officers.
“We had no choice,” said Police Chief, Cathy Lanier, “given the damages claimed on behalf of the 320 million plaintiffs, the defendants could not make bail and they were deemed flight risks.”
“But it was just a glitch, a bump in the road,” said President Obama as he headed the parade of shackled federal officials into the busses headed for the Lorton Penitentiary in nearby Virginia.
Intrepid lawyers, Excessively Earnest and Overly Zealous, partners in the law firm of Earnest and Zealous, discovered yet another glitch in the Affordable Care Act while trying to comply with the traditional “ignorance of the law is no defense” doctrine. Earnest and Zealous is not a very successful law firm because the hapless partners spend all of their billable time assuring that they themselves know every provision of every law.
“It is not easy but along the way we have learned some great stuff,” said Earnest.
“Here’s the deal” said Zealous, “in most ridiculous laws that get passed before anyone has read them, the Congress sneaks in a provision exempting top government officials – mostly themselves – from the requirement of actually knowing the law. That is what keeps them from being chained up and taken to Lorton every week or two.”
“Well, in the Affordable Care Act, it seems they forgot to include it and here we are,” said Earnest. “And there they go,” he continued as the Department of Corrections busses rolled south.
“As soon as we saw it, we filed 320 Million People v. 1000 Clowns, a civil action asking incalculable damages,” said Zealous. “It is on a contingent fee.”
Chief Justice John Roberts has convened the Supreme Court in emergency session to determine who is now actually running the country since everyone in the Presidential line of succession is headed for the slammer.
“We are pretty much down to the designers of the Obamacare website, but several of my fellow Justices are unconcerned since these defendants are not really trying to run the country anyway” said the Chief Justice. “I doubt we’ll be any worse off.”