Silvio the Sequel

Francesca Pascale

Sequels to horror movies often begin “just when you thought you were safe.” Cue the eerie music because Silvio Berlusconi is back. He would like to be Prime Minister and he is bringing a friend.

Mr. B is 76 and, for a dreadful period, he has already served as Italy’s Prime Minister. In recent months, Mario Monti has been trying to mop up the mess Mr. B left behind, but Monti is losing his mandate as Italians decide too much austerity is no fun.

The friend is 27-year-old Francesca Pascale of Naples, a councilor (on what?) in Mr. B’s Freedom of the People Party and a founding groupie of an organization called “Silvio, we miss you.” Her experience includes a stint as a shop assistant and what appears to be a heroic collagen treatment.

Tastefully, Mr. B describes his beloved as “a beautiful girl, beautiful from the outside, but even more beautiful inside” leaving little doubt among Italians as to his meaning.

The former Prime Minister and bunga bunga aficionado has introduced his fiancée to his daughter, Marina — born August 10, 1966, making her 46 years old and a prime candidate for the role of “bestie” to a step mother 19 years her junior.  That should definitely go well.

In a continuing effort to find the good in everything, Ms. Pascale is older than some in Mr. B’s life. There was, for example, Ruby the Heart Stealer, the Moroccan dancer with whom he is alleged to have paid for sex somewhat before she reached the minimum age required to be an Italian hooker.  Charges are pending but, in many cases, prime ministers are immune from prosecution, which goes a long way toward explaining his return to public life.

Should any semblance of austerity continue in Italy, public health officials might do well to consider a reduction in the government-financed Viagra program.

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Haven Pell

At the conclusion of the Constitutional Convention of 1787, a woman asked Benjamin Franklin, “Well, Doctor, what have we got, a republic or a monarchy?” Without hesitation, Franklin replied, “A republic, if you can keep it.”

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  • I’m offended by all this malicious gossip about my former Dear Leader. He has forsworn the bunga bunga parties for good, the Vatican has absolved him from his past sins, and he is now devoting himself entirely to Francesca, whom one day we may proudly call First Lady of Italy. Watch out Michelle!

    I’ve got a question for my American friends: I know there’s only one Silvio and he can’t be replicated, but can you think of any major public figure in America who can be as entertaining? For ego size, foolish talk and laughable appearance, I say Donald Trump is the only one who can aspire to be a match for Silvio.

  • The girl is scalding hot.
    AC Milan are near the top of Serie A .
    What’s not to love?
    For an American counterpart I’d have to go with Donald Trump, then maybe Ted Turner. He has had some hot ladies, married one, and is seen in the company of some very pretty blondes recently, plus he’s a communications guy.
    Rupert Murdoch? An Aussie, and Wendy Deng was older so the differential was big but not that big.
    Ellison is too focused on sailing and making money to be a good Silvio fit.
    Jerry Jones- married to one woman for 40+ years.
    Silvio is one of a kind. FORZA ITALIA!